I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
