Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
