some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
