I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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