We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize