she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
