I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
