Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
