No more Irish car bombs ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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