There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
