hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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