I'm jealous of your bromance
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
