did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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