Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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