We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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