need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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