I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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