Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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