I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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