fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
