You're my little dorito
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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