apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
