smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
