we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
