it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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