Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
