eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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