alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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