Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
