Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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