im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize