i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
