i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
