dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
