I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
