She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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