addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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