She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
