I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
