I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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