Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
