i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
