I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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