he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
