for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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