i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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