the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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