I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
