I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
