omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
