Your mouth is God's brothel.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm bleeding and have questions
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
