I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
