You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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