No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
