Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
