i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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