Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
