If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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