they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
