she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
