Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
