She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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