Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
