I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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