I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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