Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
