I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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